The Jewel in the Ruins • Sam Hawksmoor 

 

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Saska heard Cat sneeze, then suddenly there was another rock fall and Cat was gone.  She let go and the boulder crashed down on the empty space below, causing yet more rocks to fall and opening the breach in the wall even wider.‘Cat!’
Saska was staring at an empty space leading into an ante-chamber.
Cat was somewhere inside there in the darkness licking her wounds growling softly, deeply affronted.

Saska clamboured over the rubble and slid down into the dark recesses of the Castle.  She stood with wonder that this part of the West Wing had survived the bombs intact.

‘Cat?’  She could hear her, still grumbling and feeling sorry for herself.  ‘I’m sorry.  I didn’t make the stones fall.  I told you to sit still.’

She could hear Cat pulling her long leathery tongue over her fur and the cuts.  She was always fierce cleaner when stressed.  Saska’s eyes adjusted to the darkness and she saw the glint of a pair of orange eyes momentarily staring at her.  Cat wasn’t so good as saying thank you either.  She let her be, knew not to get too close when she was angry.

Saska mounted the steps to an inner chamber, pushing on the wooden doors.  They wouldn’t give.  There was the metal plate in the centre and she instinctively placed her hand on it to make it open. Only residents of the Castle could use the West Wing rooms and there was magic in the plates that let the door know who was trying to enter.

‘Welcome Saska Chancellor’.

Saska jumped back.  The door had spoken.  It knew her name.  Nothing had worked since the first bombs fell.  Yet this door knew her.

‘The library is open.’  The door declared and dim lights flickered on behind the doors.

Saska glanced back at Cat who had stopped cleaning with astonishment.

‘I’m going in,’ she told Cat.  The library had been her favourite place when small.  Filled with gold and glittering objects, exotic paintings from across the world and all the books were ever written. Her father had told her it was the Seventh Wonder of the World.  (She had no idea about the other six).

She pushed the creaking doors open and entered the huge chamber, her footsteps echoed before her.

She stared at the vast empty space and immediately felt dizzy with disappointment. There was nothing.  Not a book, not a painting, not a trace of gold, certainly not the millions of books.  A vast empty nothingness.  The bombs could fall and nothing would be lost.

A hot tear rolled down her cheek.  A sudden memory of being nine sitting on a silk cushion on the red square and she’d been reading the dictionary of birds, watching each one fly about the room.  How thrilled she’d been that day.  The library had taught her so much and she’d come here often to enquire or just past the time of day with tigers or watch deer drinking at the waterhole.  The living books, her mother had said they were called.

She advanced onto the first category square – just as she had done a thousand times before and closed her eyes, trying to conjure up a memory.  Where had it all gone?  Who had taken it?  This was the total knowledge of the Capital.  Without it they could never rebuild, no one would know anything…

‘What category, Saska Chancellor?  Your ‘Book of Wild Beasts’ is overdue by 467 days.’

The Book of Beasts lay by her blankets even now, her only treasure, her last connection with the past.  How could one return a book to an empty library? She remembered you were supposed to speak. What was the use in such an empty space?  Who or what would listen?

‘Where is everything?’  She whispered, the whisper echoing back off the bare walls.

‘All is yours to command,’ the library assured her.

Saska took a step to ‘Art Down the Ages’.  The wall behind her flickered to life.  Pictures began to appear. Just as they used to.  The famous portrait of Mistress D’Agneau with her golden sheep by Sir Henri Bolt appeared to fill the whole wall.

‘Please select you century.’

Saska jumped off the step.  She couldn’t see them right now, it would hurt too much.
She jumped onto ‘Adventure and Romance’.  Instantly the right-hand wall was filled with books.  Everything she remembered as a child was still here – yet not. She was beginning to realise something.  The room was supposed to be empty.  The books weren’t ever here, not in reality.  After all, when you selected the book it would give you the option of reading it to you or showing the contents – hence the deer at the waterhole.  The Book of Beasts had to be ordered, she remembered now.  It came a day later from wherever the real books were stored.

She didn’t know what to choose. It had been so long that she had read a story, any story.  She jumped off the step and the books vanished.

She realised exactly what she wanted to do and jumped two squares to ‘music’.  ‘Symphony of the Spheres,’ she commanded.

‘Playing. Please proceed to the Red Square.’

Saska felt a broad smile appear onto her face.  She was ten years old, listening to this music so loud the walls shook and her father had to be summoned.

Yes, the Library was all still here – somehow.  She squatted down on the red square, no silk cushion to shield her from the cold marble this time.
The music began to play.

‘Louder.’  She commanded.

The spheres began to dance above her, driven by the rhythm of the music, the choral underscore began to swell and fill the space.  Saska’s heart began to beat wildly, tears flowing now unchecked and suddenly there was Cat, pressing against her like always, seeking her love and reassurance.  She hugged her close, aware that her coat was damp with blood.

She sobbed into the blue fur, her heart so strong and solid for all these years of war was suddenly breaking, shattered all that was lost.  Once she had a family, a brother and a country that was the envy of the world.

‘Louder,’ she called again, wanting the music to fill up her heart and head and eradicate out all the pain and suffering.  Cat stayed motionless.  The music, this place, felt familiar.  She’d played here when a kitten.  She remembered the music.  The girl was bigger now.  This was the first time she had ever cried.

© Sam Hawksmoor May 2019
You can download Girl with Cat (Blue) or order the print version here
*Shortlisted for the Rubery Book Award 2018 & ‘Honorary Mention’ in the 26th Writer’s Digest Book Awards 2018 

Sam Hawksmoor.com 

https://www.hackwriters.com

On the subject of pain• Sam Hawksmoor In search of Anandamine 

For the last year, I have been struggling to write a novel about pain.  The choice of subject was influenced by a sustained attack of fibromyalgia (a doctor’s guess, he wasn’t sure really) that started first in my legs, then moved to my arms and shoulders and was so acute I could barely dress, and driving was an agony. I kept teaching throughout it but it was hard.  I’m one of those people who won’t take pills and although I did try physio, absolutely nothing worked.  The physio guy suggested ‘mindfulness’, but he was talking to someone who is a champion skeptic, so that was never going to work.  I had to quit the teaching job in the end, although to be honest, it was no hardship – I miss the students but not that particular course.

I took off for Africa to think, then driving in Spain, finally the USA.  I did a lot of walking, some swimming, meeting and talking to people and of course writing.  I was trying to make sense of pain, find a workable plot, credible characters and discussed pain issues with almost everyone I met.  One thing was clear; everyone seemed to have pain issues of some kind or another.  Some went down the dead end of Oxycontin and other drugs that only made things worse, others were more stoic and endured, still others were in a downward spiral as exercise became impossible and that allows the pain to take control with crippling results.

The walking and swimming helped me and now after four solid months of trying to restore a semi-derelict house I am as fit as I’m going to be and although the pain is still there, I refuse to let it stop me.  Painting ceilings does wonder for shoulder mobility (even if I had to lie down afterwards going Ow-Ow-Ow).  Ripping up floors, replacing them and waxing them doesn’t help the knees any, but the fact that I can do it is a miracle compared to a year ago.  Recently I was painting the front door archway gripping the paint pot to prevent spillage whilst up a ladder.  It only took an hour to scrape and paint but I had to get a passerby to take the paint pot out of my hands, as I couldn’t let go, my fingers had ‘set’ around the tin.  Embarrassing yes, but just a daily issue with what is happening to my body.  Typing this – sheer agony, but to hell with it, I’m doing it.

I know I will eventually sit down and finally get this novel written, but it isn’t the pain that stops me – it’s the doubts.  Like many novelists, I like to see the whole arc of a story before I begin, but after a year of trying, I still don’t have it.  Normally I’d abandon the whole idea if I can’t find a way through, but it isn’t just the arc, it’s the period.  Should it be present day or set in the later thirties, a noir novel perhaps?  I’m not even sure of the location.  I thought maybe Cape Town – an excellent backdrop with many social dynamics, but then again, is it a detective story? Or a thriller? Or what?  And besides crime writer Deon Meyer owns the territory there.   I have written so many fresh starts I could publish a novel of first chapters with the same characters in different guises.  Different moods and locations, but none that say ‘Yes – go with it’.

It’s strange for me to be in this dilemma.  Once I have an idea I usually just get on with it and plough through to the end.  Perhaps it’s because I wanted to write an adult novel again (although to be sure there’s a kid in it).  Maybe it’s because I am living with pain that I can’t see my way past it or the fact that I am so engrossed with house restoration that I can’t concentrate or am too exhausted.  But I don’t think that’s true, I managed to write my previous eight Hawksmoor novels whilst holding down a full-time job filled with stress and marking.  Could be I lack a muse.  That has always been important to me, to write for someone specific.  I miss that.  The only people I see now are plumbers, electricians, plasterers and window fitters and discussing fictional characters isn’t very high on their list.

So perhaps when I have a lull I will find a way back to the story.  Certainly, pain is interesting.  The story of Superwoman Jo Cameron, the 71-year-old Scottish woman who feels no pain, even during operations or childbirth has caught media attention.  She also spends her life in mild euphoria, a molecular pathway disrupts pain receptors and the side effect is happiness: Anandamine. She is blessed with positive thinking quite naturally. They want to study her genes and see if there is a DNA therapy that could be applied to the general population, which would put a crimp in the Sackler family fortunes for a start.  (Source: The Times, March 29th 2019).

In my novel, one chapter involved such a person who had been cured of pain then broken her leg and cut an artery.  She can’t feel anything but can see the blood pouring out of her.  She dies inches from her mobile phone, as she can’t move to reach it.  I guess that bit won’t be in the story anymore.

I hope that one day I’ll receive that amazing gift I sometimes get when a story falls into my thoughts fully formed. Those are the best stories. They come like a burst of light. But sadly few and far between. My last book was one of those, came in a flash fully formed. The girl in the painting with her blue Lynx and her struggle against a ruthless enemy. Meanwhile here’s a thanks to those who send me positive emails to say they have enjoyed ‘Girl with Cat (Blue)’.  I guess since it took five years to complete from the first burst of enthusiasm should teach me to have patience.  Time will tell.

FOR MORE OF SAM’S SHOWS AND BOOKS GO HERE

© Sam Hawksmoor April 2019
Blue Cat You can read ‘Girl with Cat (Blue)‘ now in print or kindle or ibooks
Shortlisted for the Rubery Book Award and Honorable Mention in the 26th Writer’s Digest Book Award 2018