There’s no dispute dealing with something the scope of an illness circling the globe is difficult, but what if there were some aspects that eventually produce good?
Things I see:
People are actually talking to one another about what they think and feel.
Because this virus is circling the globe it shows us, despite a trend toward nationalism, we are all connected, there are no borders or boundaries separating us.
Fear spreads faster than any virus and its effect is toxic.
We are given the choice to move into acting from fear or just being cautions, educating ourselves and using common sense.
It gives us the opportunity for compassion and concern for others when we refuse to give into fear.
As we watch various world leaders their reaction shows us who they are, what they value and care about, what kind of human they really are
This gives us a chance to reflect on our life: how we live, what we value, how we spend our time, what we want our life to stand for.
It reminds us that life is precious and not to be taken for granted.
For me, I don’t believe anything is random. No matter the appearance, to me, everything serves a purpose and that purpose is to help us evolve into better humans even if that’s not apparent at the moment.When all is said and done some good will come of this. And, that doesn’t deny the pain, suffering, angst, sadness it also brings. That is very real and cannot be talked or written away. I don’t in any way want to minimize that. The attempt here is to show there are always beneficial results that come after devastation. They both exist side by side. Another aspect of living.
My concern, caring and condolences to all who are or have been affected by this illness.
Dianne J. Shaver, M.A.
Dianne is a Mentor with Discovering Communities and her shows and info can be found here.
Having a cold or anything that takes us out of our routine is something to be thankful for. When you feel so punk that you can’t focus on anything but can only be exactly where you are in the moment. This could be a new form of meditation with the added benefit that you can’t jump right back into a busy day. You are just there. Not fit to be anywhere else. You can’t find the energy to worry.
Even when you are on the mend and are back in your usual routine there is still a different energy. There is a kind of awareness that stays with you. A different perspective. An appreciation of feeling good again. Also, it’s the one time there’s no guilt about taking time off in the middle of the week. Instead it’s a time to shift deadlines, meetings and even podcasts. Things we would never think of doing when we are in the land of the healthy.
But, maybe, as we re-enter our usual life, it’s a chance to assess if we are doing what we want to be doing. If our daily activities express what we really think and feel. Because we have just spent time with ourselves that has been unscripted and without obligations. That changes awareness. We could jump right back into the old pattern of life or we could use this reconnecting to our usual lifestyle as a time to evaluate.
I think it’s good to do a monthly assessment of where we are and where we want to go. That’s usually a New Year’s Day activity, but what if it was something we did constantly? Would we stop ourselves from getting caught up in something we no longer believed in? Would we be more authentic and happier?
Awareness is a very precious thing. It’s usually not a high value for many. But what could be more valuable than asking ourselves what we want. We usually set up a task and go for it. That task usually leads to another and then logically to another, etc. So, we end up quite a way down the line from the original task and the reason for its existence.
Answering the question if something is what we want to be doing doesn’t mean we have to scrap everything and just stop dead in the water. However, it does mean that we might see a way to do things differently and more in alignment with who we are right now. Since we are constantly growing and evolving shouldn’t that mean how we lead our life, conduct our business, live in our relationships should also evolve? Wouldn’t that make life more interesting? I would think we would also feel more alive and more ourselves. Everything changes which is just part of life. When we refuse to change we miss out. Evolving is a really great thing. It means we are more than we were and that we will continue to be more. Not want more, but be more. They are vastly different. My sense is that often people confuse the two. By acquiring more they feel they are evolving, but that is definitely not true. Having more can be a trap because it is never ending. It is never enough.
Going back to feeling better after an illness. Everything feels new. We are grateful for feeling better. We are happy to be outside again and re-joining the world. We have a profound appreciation of simple things. Maybe we can find a way to keep those feelings. If we actively allow ourselves to evolve then we are always in that new place. Life looks different with new insight. We see things afresh. We have deeper appreciations. And, the good news, we no longer have to have been ill to be in that state of renewal.
If you read my blog on a regular basis, you may have seen two recent articles Do you know who you are and Why People Do the Things They Do? Both sound like easy questions, but if you spend a little time reflecting on them, the answers may not be so obvious and are what occupied Ancient Greek philosophers for most of their time. In this new article The Art of Being Still, my premise is that you won’t know who you are if your mind is in a constant state of agitation and occupied by mindless distractions.Too often our minds are caught in a cycle of stimulus and responses; The Art of Being Still may be a helpful read to help find some answers as the foundation of clarity is an uncluttered mind. Often, the easiest way we can figure out who we are is in moments of solitude; but too many people have a fear of solitude. Some thinkers have suggested that the fear of solitude is at the root of the fear of oneself.Practicing The Art of Being StillSolitude vs. LonelinessTo be alone is sometimes a frightening idea and many people would do anything to avoid it. Human beings are social creatures by nature and unfit to endure extreme cases of isolation. If we are alone for too long our mental faculties can degrade leading to a state of insanity and deep despair. The use of solitary confinement and exile are effective tools of punishment. But in the modern-day, our fears are not restricted to an extreme case of isolation, rather many of us fear being alone for any period of time and being alone is something to be avoided at all costs. Not only are we afraid of being alone individually, but we are also afraid of those around us who we seem to be very happy in their own company. We see them as dangerous, unproductive, unsocial, or maybe even unwanted.Henri David Thoreau spent 2 years living alone in a cabin in the woods. He found this experience powerful and insightful. For Thoreau, solitude did not mean isolation; he was not a social hermit, he had many friends whom he invited from time to time to his cabin retreat, but he rejoiced and thrived in the luxury of the quiet time that living alone in the woods granted him. Solitude was more about introspection and self-observation.In true solitude you will not find lonelinessThoreau’s period of solitude gave him the space he needed to think, he described his experience as follows: “The challenge of living alone was really just learning how to become a great companion to oneself. In true solitude, you will not find loneliness, but self-communion, a coming together of the light and the dark aspect of yourself. People are afraid to speak to themselves. They are unable to trust the voice within and instead are persuaded to seek validation and sanction from others. Deep personal introspection is the true gift of the prosperous man and one that the majority have entirely avoided.” Solitude & Intuition Moments of solitude also allow us to be more tuned-in to our intuition. Intuition is the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning. Intuition usually involves judgment, a ‘yes or no,’ but it can also give us insight into what the solution is. Intuitions and insight can come to us through many forms, a deep inner feeling, an image, a word, an inspirational thought, or from a book. Whatever forms they take; it always gives us a deep sense of inner knowing that brings clarity and joy. If we are operating in a state of constant agitation, hustling and bustling constantly, we will not be tuned-in the right frequency to pick up those insights and receive such gifts. Moments of solitude put us in the right state of mind, ready to accept the gift of insight with gratitude, humility, and appreciation.The Russian author Fyodor Dostoevsky claims that:“Solitude for the mind is as essential as food is for the body. In solitude we can forge our character away from the often-constricted external demands of others and maintain our independence in the relationships we cultivate thus ensuring we do not, like many today, lose our identity in them.”Stillness Stillness means to be steady while the world spins around you. Socrates tells us that philosophy begins with wonder, and wonder is rooted in stillness. Other philosophers from various schools of thought have come to a similar conclusion, namely that the ultimate destination in our life journey is to master the stillness that is required to become master of our own life. RyanHoliday’s book Stillness is the Key, describes the art of being still and how important stillness is for self-mastery, discipline and focus in our modern noisy world. Stillness is an attainable path to enlightenment, excellence, greatness, and happiness, it can inspire new ideas, sharpens perspective and illuminate the mind. Stillness slows down the ball down so we can hit it, it generates a vision, helps us resist the passion of the mob, and makes space for gratitude and wonder. Stillness allows us to persevere, to succeed, a key to unlock the insights of genius. Stillness is not some soft, new-age nonsense or the domain of monks or sages but in fact an essential component to peak performance in every domain of life.Ryan Holiday’s book, Stillness Is The KeyAmong the various philosophical and religious schools, such as Buddhism, Stoicism, Epicureanism, Christianity, Hinduism, etc., it is impossible not to find a philosophy that does not venerate inner peace or stillness: “When all the wisdom of the ancient world agrees on something, only a fool will decline to listen.”
– Ryan Holiday Paradoxes of StillnessA paradox of stillness is that it requires you to think very deeply, but also clear your mind. In fact, this is not a paradox as once our mind is cleared and emptied insights and breakthroughs can occur.“Muddy waters clear themselves through stillness; if we let them settle the truth will be revealed to us.”Muddy Waters become clear through stillnessAnother paradox is that stillness does not require that you stop moving or even to be somewhere quiet, stillness can be cultivated while chaos swirls around you. Those moments, in a busy shopping mall or airport, when somehow all the external noise is filtered out and you feel a sense of calm and can focus on what is in your control, that, is stillness. The ability to intentionally find stillness, in a busy environment or just by shutting your eyes and focusing your thoughts and attention on one thing, is important because we have to move and live our lives; intentional stillness takes effort. Active stillness is effective because we can’t simply think our way to peace or pray our body into better conditions. Stillness is an important tool on your journey to find clarity. The ability to see clearly, not only when you are meditating, but in the midst of conflict when you are frustrated, angry or scared, will help you find a more logical, less emotional response, and give you choices to do things differently, or do nothing at all.“If solitude is the school of genius, then the crowded, busy world is the purgatory of the idiot”
– Edward Gibbon, Historian A Lesson in StillnessPresident John F. Kennedy once described himself as an idealist without illusions. More than 50 years after his tragic death, the American public still ranks him at the top modern American leaders. Kennedy is remembered not only for his youth and good looks but also as a crusader for social justice, a gifted orator and a peacemaker.The Main Players in the Cuban Missile CrisisFresh after a disastrous attempt to invade Cuba and overthrow Fidel Castro at the Bay of Pigs, the Cuban missile crisis started on 15 October 1962, when the cold war between the US and the USSR was dangerously close to becoming a hot nuclear war. The CIA identified medium to long-range Soviet ballistic nuclear missiles being built on the Island of Cuba, just 90 miles off the coast of Florida. The two main actors in this political drama were President John F. Kennedy; a young president, born into immense privilege, with almost no executive leadership under his belt and, on the other side, Nikita Khrushchev, a much older man, born into a modest family and a veteran of the communist party. The fate of millions worldwide depended on these two men. Kennedy’s advisors wanted to destroy the missiles site followed by a full-scale invasion of Cuba, tremendous pressure was put on Kennedy to act quickly and decisively as every second wasted risked the security and reputation of the US. Kennedy unwilling to be pressured into making a decision that was not thought through (like the Bay of Pigs fiasco), used stillness to pause, reflect, understand the bigger picture before deciding on his next move. Kennedy had recently read Barbara Tuchman’s book The Guns of August, a book about the beginning of World War I, which imprinted on his mind the image of overconfident world leaders rushing their way into a conflict, that once started they couldn’t stop. Kennedy recalled a passage from another book he read by strategist B. H. Liddell on nuclear strategy: “keep strong if possible. In any case, keep cool. Have unlimited patience. Never corner an opponent and always assist him to save face. Put yourself in his shoes, so as to see through his eyes. Avoid self-righteousness like the devil, nothing is so self-blinding.”Against the wishes of the majority of his advisors, Kennedy decided upon a less aggressive strategy, a naval blockade. This approach was to prevent further missiles from reaching Cuba, but also to give him time to think, time to communicate, and time to understand the intentions and responses from Khrushchev. On 22 October 1962, John F. Kennedy addressed the nation via live television broadcast. His message, intended for the domestic audience but also for the international public at large, demonstrated true statesmanship: “The 1930s taught us a clear lesson, aggressive conduct, if allowed to go unchecked and unchallenged, ultimately leads to war… We will not prematurely or unnecessarily risk the costs of worldwide nuclear war in which even the fruits of victory would be ashes in our mouth; but neither will we shrink from that risk at any time it must be faced.”The peaceful resolution required concessions and a respect for humanity from both sides, but a remarkable fact about the Crisis is how calm Kennedy remained. During the tensest moments, Kennedy would seek solace in the White House Rose Garden, to clear his mind and to think. After the crisis, Kennedy thanked the gardener for her important contribution. Kennedy knew the art of being still, he did not let anyone rush him into a decision or let the pressure of the situation cloud his judgment or deter him from doing the right thing. During those times, he was the stillest guy in the room.SummaryOur paths to stillness will be unique, but the impact should be the same: calm, strength, insight, peace, happiness and clarity. Hopefully, my friend, this article demonstrates the power of solitude and of being still. It is good sometimes to let the world spin around you whilst being the stillest person in the room.
At the end of an otherwise successful interview for a senior position at a new company a candidate was asked, “what motivates you?” Without barely a moment’s hesitation and with a deadpan delivery, he replied “sex, money, and fear.” The room erupted into laughter; it may have cost the candidate the opportunity, but was the answer, in fact, flippant or profound? What is it that motivates us, and why do people decide to do the things they do?
People Do Things to Fulfill Their Needs
From the beginning of history, our ancestor’s primary concern came from the necessity to survive and to find basic needs. Likely, all their key decisions were driven by the necessity to hunt for food (preferably without dying in the process), to find shelter and to have a community to interact with.
Nowadays, survival – or meeting our basic needs – is becoming less of an issue and instead of planning our days around hunting strategies we are concerned about our commuting journey, all the paperwork on our desks, meetings we have to attend, and all the decisions that we will have to make that day that will, one way or another, affect our well-being and our level of contentment.
But, our brains, genetically adapted to help us negotiate a successful course through dangerous, changing, and often hazardous natural environments, are now confronted with an overload of information and stimulation, often independent of physical reality and with positive outcomes often measured in years hence.
Making good decisions with our primitive brains requires us to balance the antithetical forces of emotion and rationality. Being able to make good decisions requires us to predict the future, accurately perceive the present situation and have insights into the mind of people around us. Optimal-decision-making is an art, and in order to be good at it, we have to understand why people (including ourselves) do the things they do. The short answer to this question is people do the things they do because they have an urge to fulfill their needs. For the long answer to this question, continue reading the rest of this article.
Need for Societal Validation
We are born with an instinct to seek the company of others for safety, feelings of self-esteem, comfort and love. We are nurtured as social creatures, grow up seeking and enjoying the company and validation of others, and can hardly make a living without group interaction. A large portion of the decisions we make are to fulfill this need for societal validation. Societal validation will sometimes requires us to behave in a certain way; being good to your parents, to your siblings, your teachers, your boss, your spouse, your neighbors and your country (even if it means dying for it).
Societal Validation
There is a huge degree of inner peace and security connected to feeling good about who we are and all of us are prone to fulfilling this need. That said, once our sense of obligation and duty has been fulfilled, we should still leave some room left to make decisions based on our own needs and not just focus on what other people want us to do. We have free will and having a right to choose to do, or not to do something, is central to our individuality and sense of self. This is where our selfish intention comes at the forefront of our decision-making process.
Emotion vs. Logic
Robert Greene, author of ‘Human Nature,’ notes that people like to think of themselves rational-thinking, strategic creatures, whereas in reality, humans are deeply irrational and more governed by emotion than logic, or anything else. A problem with this is that most of us just don’t realize to what extent emotions infect our strategies, plans, or ideas.
Logic can be riddled with paradoxes, but it is useful because it allows us to predict, define patterns and rules about the world. It helps farmers to harvest, lawyers to argue and doctors to diagnose. Perfect logic can never take you from a true premise to a false conclusion, but rarely do we – or can we – have all the facts at hand. Should we get married? What’s for dinner? Should I quit my job? These are all difficult questions to solve with logic alone. Also, humans who makes decisions with logic alone are simply, robots.
Emotions are complex and produce different physiological, behavioral and cognitive changes leading us to experience waves of joy, excitement, insecurity, doubt or anxiety. It is natural that decisions we take are influenced by our emotions; it is said that emotions drive 80% of the choices we make but sometimes some additional logic can improve our decisions.
Thinking logically is not a power that we are born with, but one that we acquire through training and practice; practice being logical. Begin to think for yourself instead of reacting to what people do or say. Train your mind to be more rational in the same way an athlete gets better and stronger through practice. Focusing on being logical, and aware of your emotions, will result in your mind becoming more flexible and resilient. With this newly acquired skill you will likely become calmer; more deliberate and less reactive and will be able to make decisions with more clarity.
Self-control is strength. Calmness is mastery. You have to get to a point where your mood doesn’t shift Based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don’t allow others to control the direction of your life. Don’t allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence’. – Author Unknown –
Bad Behaviors and Operant Conditioning
Operant conditioning is a basic form of learning, that pairs certain behaviors with rewards or punishments in certain ways. The effect is quite fundamental; addictive behaviors like smoking and gambling can be immediately rewarding because they activate areas of the brain that regulate feelings of pleasure, which results in quick learning.
There are hundreds of examples of operant conditioning happening in your daily life. Some may be positive, but some may be negative, like eating too much sugar, smoking cigarettes, or spending too much time on Facebook. We often carry out these behaviors because we just ‘feel like it.’ It is possible to break free from these addictions using higher cognitive ‘motivators’, but perhaps the answers lies first in being aware of them and to realize that they are emotional problems.
Bad Behaviors
Self-control is an emotional problem. Laziness is an emotional problem. Procrastination is an emotional problem. Underachievement is an emotional problem. Impulsiveness is an emotional problem.
Emotional problems can only have emotional solutions. Self-Acceptance is the key. Accepting our emotions and working with them. Instead of justifying and enslaving yourself to the impulses. Acknowledge them, challenge them and analyze then, change their character and their shape. The trick is to embrace those impulses whilst not letting them go out of control.
Life Without Emotions
According to Mark Manson, Author of “The Subtle Art of Not giving a F*ck” and “Everything is F*cked,“ there is been a tacit assumption that our emotions cause all our problems and that logic must swoop in to clean up the mess; this is what he calls the ‘Classic Assumption.’ In explaining why people do the things they do, the Classic Assumption sees passion and emotion as flaws, errors within the self. Succumbing to our emotional impulses is seen as a moral failing, as a lack of self-control, as a sign of a deficient character. Manson’s premise is that the Classic Assumption is wrong and illustrates his point with a history of the frontal lobotomy.
The lobotomy was a form of brain surgery, most commonly used to treat schizophrenia, but also used on patients to reduce emotional tension, e.g. for suicidal depressives, and to reduce the symptoms of other mental disorders. The procedure became very popular and in 1949, the originator of the procedure, Portuguese neurologist António Egas Moniz, shared a Nobel Prize for its discovery.
Are you Depressed? You May Need a Lobotomy!
After a relatively short surgical lifespan (the Soviet Union was the first country to outlaw the procedure in 1950 stating that it was ‘contrary to the principles of humanity) it was noticed that dulling the emotions produced more than a few negative side effects; namely turning the patient into a vegetable, a living creature with no sign of depression, but a creature unable to focus, unable to make decisions, and unable to operate properly. One doctor described his patient following lobotomy as a “smiling, lazy and satisfactory patient with the personality of an oyster.”
In fact, we are moved to action only by our emotions. That is because action is emotion. Emotion is the biological hydraulic system that pushes our bodies into movement. Anger pushes our body to move; when we are angry, we have this urge to punch and kick something, to scream and shout. Anxiety pulls our body into retreat; when we feel anxious, we feel like getting into bed and bury ourselves under the duvet. Joy lights up our facial muscle. Sadness and worry create dark patches under our eyes. Emotion inspires action; the two are inseparable.
Decisions, Decisions!
So, why do people do the things they do? Because they have an urge to fulfill their basic needs, they are looking for societal validation and because they’re driven by emotion over logic. We’re not just driven by “sex, money, and fear,” but we are irrational and emotional creatures. I hope you are finding the right balance between all those conflicting forces and better understand why people do the things they do.
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