We hear that so many fathers who are a deadbeat Dads, or walk away from the home and leave their kin behind, but are we asking men to be that perfect father without giving them guidance to do it?
Throughout history men were absent from the home, they went to war for years at a time, they had to work away from the family, fatherhood was just seeding or when the time was right, taking their sons and teaching them how to be a man, the girls were just to make good marriages.
It was the woman’s role to raise a child, the Mama, Grandma the village, men were not in the day to day of it. So why do we expect so much from a man to be a hands-on Dad when genetically, environmentally and culturally he has not brought or taught to do so?
I am seeing today more and more young men taking on fatherhood today, getting right down with it from birth to diapers to everyday chores of parenting, why is this? Is it because the Mum’s are working with careers of their own? Is it because it is sexy to be a hands-on Dad? Is it because the desire to be an interactive father has become something so inviting to a man?
So many grown children feel abandoned by their fathers, but if we understand that it is not the child, or even the Mother, but the culture and DNA of a man, we might reach out to them with more understanding.
My generation was at the forefront of women in the workplace, they carried such guilt and tried to be everything to everyone, very often at her own expense. The Men had to pick up the slack, but often found it hard, ‘I am the bread winner that’s the Mums job” but no, it is the parent’s job, and that is now today, seen as a gift instead of a core.
It is a luxury for a mother to stay at home to raise the children and most mothers are in the workforce. If a Dad leaves where does that leave the Mum? She has to work twice as hard to provide for her family and be a double parent to her children because today, grandparents and the village is not around to raise them for her.
So, we cannot have the old mentality of a man leaving because it suits him but instead show him not only the responsibility but the joy of being an interactive parent. Those Dads that embrace the gift of fatherhood get it, they know what wonderful thing it is to be a custodian of a child of the earth and can learn so much from their children about being a man a father a human being.
So, let us help our men discover the nurturer within them, help them see fatherhood as that gift, that joy and embrace the discoveries that are to be made through our children.
We see men staying at home to raise the kids because the mothers are earning more than them, we are seeing that there is no shame in this role reversal but instead an opportunity to seed water nurture our children into being all they can be. It takes a man who is strong within, a person at one with self and not succumbing to the ego or insecurity of what is perceived as a real man.
A real man is a man content within himself and confident to be a partner with his spouse and embrace being a father to his children. So let us help men see the benefits, the joy and the honour of being a father to their children, for that will build a better world, a more peaceful world and a world where respect and value of life can be realised because of on hands parenting.
We say there would be no wars he man birthed a child, for who would willingly send a child to die? But I think if men raised a child, full or part time, they would not be so quick to want a war but to find solutions to the world’s problems through interaction and communication that sees things from all sides. For that is what you learn as a parent, the be a coach, a counsellor, a nurture, a tutor, disciplinarian, and guide, a cheerleader and that teaches us skills in being a better person.
It is not always what we teach our children, but what they are here to teach us, for being an interactive parent, you learn so much from your children and we learn to live in gratitude, and simplicity of what really matters in life.
So MAMA’S of the world, teach your sons how to be better sons, better brothers, to respect their mothers, and to value all life equally with love and respect, what a difference it will make to this world and all who live on it.
Sara Troy
During those months of recovery, Annie imagined that she was travelling on a life-changing trip to Italy and Ireland. She made herself believe this wonderful story by stepping into it each day with all the detail and emotion she could muster up.
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